An elderly Jewish lady took her young
grandson to the beach. She sat on a beach chair beneath an
umbrella. She did her knitting while her grandson played with a
small pail and shovel near the
shore. He was wearing a sun hat.
There were many people at the beach -
some frolicking in the water, some sunbathing, and some just
enjoying the day. Suddenly, without any warning, a tsunami
crashed ashore. It destroyed everything in its path! As the
waters retreated to the ocean, all left behind was chaos and
destruction.
Only one survived - the godly elderly
lady. She was still sitting on her beach chair beneath her
umbrella. Her unfinished knitting was on her lap. She was
miraculously unscathed. She looked about, and then at the place
where her young grandson had been just moments ago. She looked
up to the heavens. With tears streaming from her eyes, she
called out to God: "Why, Lord? Why? Why did you take away my
beautiful grandson, who had his whole life before him, and yet
left me, a pitiful old woman at the end of her life? Oh Lord, I
would rather that You take me instead of him!"
Moments later, apparently in response
to her petition, a second tsunami washed ashore. For a few brief
minutes, all was chaotic as the wave pummeled the shore. But as
its waters retreated back to the ocean, the elderly lady found
herself sitting as before. To her amazement, near her was her
grandson. He was still playing with his small pail and shovel,
as if nothing had happened. The elderly lady looked up to the
heavens and exclaimed, "Lord, he had a hat!"
2. The Rabbi & His Eggs
One day, a Rabbi and his wife were
cleaning up their house. The Rabbi came across a box that he
didn't recognize. He asked his wife about the box. She told him
to leave it alone as it was her personal box.
But when she was out, his curiosity got
the best of him. He opened the box. Within were 3 eggs and
$2000. When his wife came home, he admitted that he opened the
box. He asked her to explain the contents to him. She told him
that every time he preached a bad sermon, she would put an egg
in the box.
He interrupted, "In twenty years, only
three bad sermons, that's not bad." His wife continued, "But
every time I got a dozen eggs, I would sell them for $1."
3. A Jew & His Rights
Three men, an Italian, a Frenchman, and
a Jew, were condemned to be executed. Their captors told them
that they had the right to have a final meal before the
execution.
They asked the Frenchman what he
wanted. "Give me some good French wine and French bread," he
requested. They gave
them
to him. After he ate the bread and
drank the wine, they executed him. Next was the Italian's
turn. "Give me a big plate of pasta," said the Italian. They
brought it to him, he ate it, and then they executed him.
Now it was the Jew's turn. "I want a
big bowl of strawberries, " said the Jew. "Strawberries!!! They
aren't even in season!"
"No?? So I'll wait..."
4. A Rabbi & A Priest
A rabbi and a priest got into a car
accident. It was a really bad one. Both cars were totally
demolished. But amazingly, neither of the clerics was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the rabbi saw the priest's
collar and said, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at
our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be
a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be
friends and live together in peace for
the rest of our days."
The priest replied, "I agree with you
completely. This must be a sign from God." The rabbi continued,
"And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely
demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune."
Then he handed the bottle to the
priest. The priest agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the
bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi took the bottle, immediately
put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest. The priest
asked, "Aren't you having any?"
The rabbi replied, "No...I think I'll
wait for the police."
5. The Pope Versus
Moses
About a century or two ago, the Pope
decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally
there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope
made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of
the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If
the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no
choice. So they picked a middle aged man named
Moses to represent them.
Moses asked for one condition to
the debate - neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope
agreed. The day of the great debate came.
Moses and the Pope sat opposite each other
for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed
three fingers. Moses looked back at him and raised one
finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Moses pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope
pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.
Moses pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up.
This man is too good. The Jews can stay." An hour later, the
cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The
Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the
Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that
there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I
waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around
us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God
was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer
to show that God absolved us from our
sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He
had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had
crowded around
Moses.
"What happened?" they asked. "Well," said
Moses,
"First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of
here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me
that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know
that we were staying right here." "And then?" asked a woman. "I
don't know," said Moses. "He took out
his lunch and I took out mine."
6. Tithes & Offerings
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister were
discussing what they did with the donations to their respective
religious organizations.
The minister said that he drew a circle
on the floor, threw the money up in the air, and whatever landed
in the circle, he gave to God, and whatever landed outside the
circle, he kept. The priest used a similar method. He drew a
circle, but whatever landed outside the circle, he gave to God,
and whatever landed inside, he kept.
The rabbi had a slightly different
method of dividing the money. He threw all the money up in the
air. Whatever God wanted, He could keep and whatever leftovers
on the ground, he kept.
7. The
Rabbi Golfing On Yom Kippur
The rabbi was fed up with his
congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur,
the holiest day in the Jewish
calendar. He went instead to play golf.
As Moses was looking down from heaven,
he saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to
God. Moses suggested
that
God should punish the rabbi severely. As he watched, Moses
saw that the rabbi was
playing the best game he had
ever played! The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on
the course. Moses turned to God and asked, "I thought
You
were going to punish him. Do You call this
punishment?"
God replied, "Who can he
boast to about this game?"